you make me soooo mad

http://thisismyproject.tumblr.com/post/9439103398

like if youre going to start shit with me, fucking say it to my face.

like just fuck you on all things

ugh.

I guess I’m coming back to this blog again. I think I’ll fix it up tomorrow.
But I’m going to need a place to let out deeper feelings. That I’m afraid to show other friends I guess.

Does this suck so much? why am I just laying here? I just hate this. I want out. I don’t want to be here. Why can’t I just be happy. Why did everyone else have to screw up so now I’m screwed up? I have so many problems that I don’t even know how to deal with. I need fucking help. Why don’t you understand. Are you just oblivious? Do you choose to ignore me?

And fuck you. I’ve been there soo many times for you. But now look at you. You were at the top, now you are so down under, youre a harder fix than me. You can’t even try to be there or me. Why? I need you now. But whatever. You’re going to be gone soon so it won’t even matter.

to like be vulnerable again.

because like when I was rolling, I was laying there on the ground. And I realized how lonely I really was, but I never let myself realize it I guess. That I was always strong enough to do things by myself. And it was like I just didn’t want to get my lover all wrapped into my life, but thats what the are for, you know? Not like to be living your life for you, but to help you when the times are bad, and be there to make it more awesome. And I need someone there for me, and not just a friend, but someone to be intimate with. I need that next level. And I’m going to be in control this time c;

Im just super Stressed like a bitch and im depressed again. We need to get this shit together

So me and my mother got in a fight on Saturday, aboutme not keeping up with my responsiblities and what not. We fought for a while, just having a go at each other. But at the end she was like maybe it would be best if you just moved out.

So then like everything starts falling into place, Ethan’s mom Jojo offers me the room in her house for like $150 if i help around the house. And like thats really nice, and I’d make up the rest of the money in gas going back and forth from the valley. And i would have to finda place for Bow. Hopefully my dad’s.

But then last night Amber said she wouldn’t mind moving in with me, so maybe i can find my own apartment with her and what not, and get a job and just do that. Which would be the best thing because I could bring Bow with me c;

Secondly I’m like getting tired of people. Mainly Carlos, Like he hasnt talked to me in like a week or so. So I’m like ok whatever it’s thanksgiving, I’m used to him texting me everyday and whatnot. But Since I’m depressed and impulsive and whatnot, I decide to finally be nice and add him on facebook. And on it he says, we arnt really friends anyways good bye stranger(I’m his stranger). Or something along those lines. And I’m like well fuck you c: i left that on there. Hopefully he sees that. But idk, I mean Carlos is annoying and whatnot, but I mean He’s still my friend soo whatever. If he decideds he’s done well Fuck Him them, I dont need him. Asshole, couldnt even talk to me.

And then Hayley is being all yadayada with Nick and is going to move out there with him if he propses to her and whatnot. It’s Like what the fuck I dont even know why people are being so idk, stupid these days. Like What ever happened to the power of friendship? And like at least Corinne wants me to come to utah. But Hayley doesnt even talk to me. So it’s like we were so strong but now look what happened.

Well thank God I have Tashi <3 I honestly dont know what I would do with out her. And well I’m making new friends. Im gonna start getting closer with Amber, and probably a few of her friends like david or lessy lol. The world is just wierd I guess.

That you guys talk about me. Someone I once loved and someone who once loved me. Someone who I was totally vulnerable with and someone I am at my strongest with. And like I just can’t have that. Like no. Lol I don’t know why it has effect with my mind so much. That just made me super uncomfortable. Like I was already super emotional. And idk

I realise howmuch I don’t care for my mothers husband. Like he broke 3ribs and still not an ounce of sympathy. Like lol he more of a nuisance than before because he’s home. But whatever lol.

Duddddeeee ok. Lol like I don’t even know. But I miss you. And what not. Dang like txting feels soo nice on my fingers lol. But ya. Soo like ya. I love you like I really do. And I can’t wait for when like I can do my cross country trip and see the states and have you be one of my stops lol. Like if you still want to meet up and what have you lol. Dang I’ve like typed for like a minute lol. Lalalalala we are gonna do kareokee lol it’s going to be soo funny. I’m not even sure if it will work lol. But ya lol

Soppose to fall in love with a friend and thier friend. And I thinks that’s what I’m doing.

I mean I already loved him. And I was thinking of telling you, because you could give me more insight and whatnot.

But I think I’m falling for you to. Like it would be nice. But I have to think and make sure it’s not just being lonely part if me that just wants that void to be filled. Because I could never hurt you like that(or anyone). But I soppose we can see where this leads because I sorta like it lol. It’s fun and cute. And hopefully it wontget tarnished.